My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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