I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
