Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
