We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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