Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
