Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
