shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
