He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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