So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
