i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
