go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
