Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she woke up with a sticky ear
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize