Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
