Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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