Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
