the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
vagina is talking i cant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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