I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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