I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize