I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
