one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
