Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
