My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
