Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
