he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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