Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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