he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
