obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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