I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
