You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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