I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize