The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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