On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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