1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
