Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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