DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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