I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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