The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize