I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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