Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
