I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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