We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A bitchslap is in order.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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