Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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