I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize