btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
