Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
