my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
