So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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