let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
