Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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