i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
