I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
