I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
