your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
