the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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