He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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