In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
