Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize