Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
