oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
