I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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