He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
