i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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