I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
