drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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