Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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